It's been almost a month since my last post. I'm feeling kind of ick about that. I've been intending to blog. Every time I pull up the site, one of my kids has some minor breakdown that I have to tend to :)
So, one's at school, one's asleep, and the third is glued to the TV watching Clifford - so now just might be my chance.
There's so much to talk about - I'm not sure where to begin.
Ricky left town on Sept 12th and was gone for 3 weeks. He was able to come home twice, both for about a day and a half. He finally came home to stay this past Friday afternoon. Needless to say, it has been a very difficult 3 weeks. It's awful how we always tend to take people for granted, only to realize it when they're gone. I never realized how much I depend on Ricky until he wasn't there. For the first week, I barely even got to talk to him on the phone. It stunk. I was all on my own. The girls all responded in different ways to him being gone. Elisa (my 8 yr old) started talking back and acting out. She became argumentative (at least more than usual) and unusually weepy. Syd (my 2 yr old) stopped potty training. We were almost completely there right before Ricky left, and now we're having to start all over again. She seems to have lost all interest - weird. And Maya (our 6 month old) quit sleeping through the night the minute he left. She had been sleeping all night for a week or so, but the night he left she woke up several times. She didn't start sleeping through the night again until the night he came back - double weird. Maybe she could tell that I was uneasy and it made her uneasy. Who knows?
I found a song a few days ago that really spoke to where I have been for the last few weeks. Here are some of the lyrics:
Am I strong or weak?
Is it Your job to test me?
Am I strong or weak?
Are you gonna take everything, everything from me?
You needed me to be alone so I could finally see, how I need You, I need You...
All that I know is that it's better to love You
All that I see, I'm seeing the courage You give me
so let me stumble, let me tumble, tripping over my own feet.
Let me find you, let me feel you making me complete
Oh, i can move, I can run when Your with me
I can move, I can run - You make me brave
It's by a girl named April - she's local to Nashville, and unsigned I believe. I love her CD - really great stuff!
Anyway, I didn't think I'd survive the 3 weeks. It wasn't even all the extra work that got to me (though there was a LOT of extra work!). It was mostly the loneliness I felt. I never realized how much I depended on the companionship. After 10 years, I've gotten pretty used to having him around. It's the longest period we've ever been apart - pathetic, huh?
I learned a lot about me these last 3 weeks. I learned a lot about priorities - and the importance of focusing on my family. I learned a lot about how over-extended I am (and always have been). I learned a lot about the importance of a daddy in a girl's every day life. Most importantly, I learned a lot about the importance of depending on God, rather than my husband for strength, joy and peace. I meditated on a few verses throughout the 3 weeks that were pretty significant to me. Here is one I actually wrote on my marker board and read out loud several times each day:
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.