Well, since early May when I began to feel a little overwhelmed with everything I was involved in, things have changed a lot. I'm still involved in almost all of those things. I have also started working full time, and am taking 2 accelerated college courses. I think things are even crazier if that's even possible. A lot of things have had to fall to the side while I concentrate on working to get my family out of the hole we've dug for ourselves. Our finances were really scary for a while. They still are - but at least now I'm contributing - as much as I can anyway. A couple of weeks ago, my mother and law came to visit and was going to stay with us for a week. It happened to be the toughest week for us financially. We had only $40 to last 2 weeks, and we were out of groceries completely and were needing to fill up on gas too. We've been using only one care since last September when the Acura went out of commission and we haven't had the money to fix it. I had just started working full time for the first time in almost a year. I'm also taking the baby to work with me to save on day care - it's pretty hard to get work done with her there. Needless to say - it was a very stressful time. And my mom-in-law, although a wonderful woman, drives me a little nuts. She also is diabetic and needs to eat good meals at specific times, along with snacks in between in order to regulate her blood sugar. Well, we had no food and no money - so I asked my mother to help us buy some groceries to tide us over - which made me feel pretty crappy I must say. My mother in law came on Sunday (Mother's Day) and was going to stay until the following Saturday when we were going to drive her out to my sister in laws in Dallas (which takes a half a tank of gas by the way). However, on Wednesday afternoon I got a call (at work) from my mother in law (who was taking care of my sick 6 yr old for the day) telling me that the electricity was not working. I immediately remembered the little pink bill we had received a few days prior that I ignored since I had no way to take care of it at the time. So I called my dad to come and get my kid and my mother in law and take them back to his house so that she could watch her soaps and Elisa could watch some Spongebob - and so that they would be able to have something for lunch. We ended up having to cut her visit short - Ricky took her to his sisters that night. We then proceeded to figure out what to do with our children for the night - and with ourselves also. By the time we got home it was too dark to see anything inside the house. We lit all the candles we could find and found a few low-battery flashlights (note to self: get a good flashlight and extra batteries) and tried our best to locate clothes for the next day. We ended up without electricity for an entire week. We spent a few nights at my sisters, and a night at my parents, and the rest of the week we stayed at home with the windows open. It actually wasn't too bad. It was almost peaceful - no noise of the electronics that usually run all night - no air conditioning - no icemaker - no alarm clock (we had to use the alarms on our cell phones). All in all we survived it. But I don't think I'll forget it - maybe not ever.
I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself - I just needed to vent a little. From a spiritual perspective - the timing of this was right at the 2 month mark of my fast from sugar. I asked that God would stretch my faith - that he'd help me learn to trust Him. Until the very end of this entire ordeal - I never even made the connection. But looking back I realize that He was doing just that. During the week I wasn't worried. I should have been, but I wasn't. I wasn't upset (a little embarrassed), I wasn't really scared. I knew that He was in control and that everything would work out exactly as He wanted - and that gave me comfort and perspective. I only hope that I've come out of it different. I think I have. I'm desperately trying to figure out His will / plan for my family and our finances. I want more than anything to do what He wants - as far as work goes. It was a big decision to go back to work full time - especially when I had felt that it was God that kept me at home for so long. I'm honestly still quite confused about the big picture. I believe that God gave me this opportunity simply because I was so scared about finances and He was answering my groanings for immediate relief. I truly believe He had something better planned if I would have just been willing to wait and to trust. I am sad that I didn't. I am, however, understanding even more fully how much He loves me. When I was at my lowest point and was the most afraid for the future, He answered my prayer and helped me. He gave me relief - right when I needed it most. That's God. Today, to me, He's my helper - my deliverer, my loving Father. Who is He to you today?