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Monday, April 27, 2009

Toothpaste or Strawberries?

Okay, so this morning I was sitting on the couch drinking my tea and watching Rachel Ray (for the first time in forever!) while keeping an eye on the kids. Well, Maya walks up to me with a tube of toothpaste in her hands smiling ear to ear. Not wanting her to get it all over herself (or my floor), I took it away and set it on the table next to me just out of her reach. She completely lost it! She is just learning to throw fits, and this one was a doozy. She threw herself onto the floor and cried and cried. Everytime I tried to give her something to distract her, she'd push it away and cry harder. I couldn't help but laugh. (I know, I'm a wonderful mother :)
I just kept thinking...toothpaste? really? That's what you want? I even tried offering her some strawberries (her favorite) and she wouldn't have it. It was toothpaste or bust!

I started thinking about all the times I've done that to God. How many times have I cried over the "toothpaste" that I couldn't live without when God had juicy, red, wonderful strawberries He wanted to give me if I'd just stop crying over the lost toothpaste!

I wonder if God laughs at me the way I did Maya. Probably so.

What about you? Are you crying over toothpaste, or waiting for the strawberries?

Friday, April 24, 2009

Screamo worship?

It's been a really long time since I blogged. My computer is still in the shop - with no return date set yet :(
In the meantime, check out this post by my friend, the goofy college dude. I hope you will appreciate his words as much as I did!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Not Good Enough...part 2

I’ve been thinking lately. If God’s going to do what God’s going to do regardless of what we do … does it matter what we do at all? Is our effort, planning, hard work, talent, skill, etc important at all in the scheme of God’s plan? It must be – or He wouldn’t give us the skills, abilities, knowledge to do those things.
I know that God doesn’t need us to accomplish His will – BUT He chooses to use us. In light of that…
I believe we should offer our everything. The very best we have to give. I can't imagine anyone would disagree with that, but how often do we really live that way?
Like the story in John 12 about the anointing at Bethany. When Mary came with her very best perfume, in a very large bottle and poured it all out on Jesus feet – she was giving him everything she had. Holding nothing back. She didn’t bring whatever was closest to the door (most convenient), the one that was easiest to find or carry, she didn’t pick something off the street to bring to Jesus. She picked the very best, most expensive, most treasured thing she had to offer to her King. She wasn't concerned with convenience, ease or cost.
She knew it would cost her. I wonder what she was giving up in order to bring that offering to Jesus. I’m guessing it was just as much a sacrifice as an offering. I’m guessing that it probably cost her a meal or two or ten – and it meant that she would be questioned, ridiculed, criticized . I wonder if she was afraid what people would think? I wonder if she was wondering how she would take care of her bills/food/family? I am wondering if she thought about anything else at all – other than the incredible privilege of bringing her very best to the One and Only?

I am reminded of a specific time in my life when I abandoned all in worship of that same One and Only. There was a mission trip I was a part of as a teenager – called Houston 2000. I honestly don’t remember what we did there. I don’t remember what the purpose of the trip was (sad, huh?). I only remember that it is there that Jesus met me where I was and taught me how to worship. Not just in song, but in lifestyle. Not just through music, but through thoughts and intentions and obedience. It was in that place that I understood for the first time what it felt like to abandon everything for the sake of getting just a little closer to the Savior. Usually when we pray or worship we bow our heads or get lower to the ground as a picture of reverence and devotion. That’s a wonderful thing. But that time God brought me to a place where I was standing on my tip-toes reaching up as high as I could desperate to be closer to him. My eyes were wide open and I was looking up to that ugly ceiling and sobbing and singing with everything in me that Jesus was my everything. Oh to go back to that place.

I have experienced many similar moments over these last 10 years – but none like that one. It was my first. Firsts are special. The first time I met Jesus was special – I will never meet Him like that again. The first time I held each of my daughters were special – I will never feel like that again with any of them. The first time I held my husband’s hand and looked into his eyes was special. Even though I love him more now than I ever thought possible – it will never feel like it did that first time.

That moment in Houston, TX I met Jesus in a way that I never have since. It was the moment that I understood that He wants my everything. Not just some of me – but all of me. Not just my best – but my VERY best. Not just 1 day a week, but 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Anything less than that is not good enough. My last post was all about how I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of not-good-enough. I hope that won’t always be the case. I struggle EVERY day – EVERY moment – with trying to remember to give God my everything. My thoughts. My works. My family. My job. My relationships. My obedience. My words. My intentions. My feelings. I know He wants it all. I wonder if in our busy schedules, many responsibilities, and all the things we do FOR God we are missing the simple act of sitting at His feet giving Him everything we have heart and soul?

God deserves my best, expects my best and even demands my very best. Anything short of that is not good enough. I pray that today I will make every effort to serve him instead of others, to love him instead of myself, to focus on him instead of all the ‘things’ I need to get done. And I pray that I will learn to rely on His strength and instruction in order to do all of those things. I pray that my life today will be an act of worship of my One and Only. Anything less than that is simply not good enough.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Not Good Enough

I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of not good enough. How about you? It really gets me down a lot of the time. I feel like no matter how hard I work, or how much I prepare, or how badly I want to give my everything - there is always something that holds me back or drags me down. I feel like the more I know God, the more I know about Him - the more 'not good enough' I feel.
I don't think that it's such a bad thing to always want to give more, do more, be more for Christ. I actually think it's a good thing for me to feel that way about myself.
BUT...here's where it becomes a not-so-good thing. My incredibly high standards that I set for myself (and never feel like I come close to achieving) are starting to color my opinions of others around me. I often expect everyone around me to aim for those impossible standards too, and when they don't I get really frustrated. I KNOW it's my own issue - and that I should only worry about myself, but have been really struggling with it lately.

In John 21, Jesus is asking Peter if he loves Him and Peter keeps saying yes - and Jesus keeps saying, then feed my sheep..then this happened...

20Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?") 21When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"
22Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

It's interesting that in the middle of the lesson that Jesus was trying to teach Peter - about how to love Him - he gets distracted by someone else around him and wants to know what Jesus wanted to do with him. Jesus says basically that it's none of his business - and that all that should matter to Peter is what Peter will do. I have been focusing a lot on this passage lately and have been making huge efforts to focus on my service, my job, my responsibilities as a follower of Christ and not worrying about everyone else's responsibilities. It's a battle I struggle with almost daily - and I intend to win.

Jesus says to me today...'as for you, Kim...you must follow me."

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Funny Kid Stories

Okay, so I've always thought my kids were entertaining. But sometimes they are downright hilarious! Here are a few recent examples..

Wisdom from an 8 year old (all of this happened during the car ride home from school):

E: "I think it must take a long time for food to go from our mouth all the way back out."
Mom: "Actually, baby it has to go through a lot of organs before it's ready to come back out - like your stomach and your intestines."
E: "Hey - dogs have intestines too! I learned that from Martha Speaks." Then, in her best know-it-all voice..."See mom, Martha Speaks is educational. That's why I should always get to watch it. And Cyberchase too cause it teaches fractions."

E: "I wonder if anyone knows how to stop the water from coming out when they need to go to the restroom. I think the scientists should really figure that one out."

And my very favorite...
As we were driving into our neighborhood there was a kid with his parents all out in the middle (the actual middle) of the street! They didn't even look up or move when we (in my huge van) finally had to just drive around them! Then my 8-yr old said..
E: "I wonder if they are hobos. (pause) One of my friends in Sunday School said that hobos are d-u-m-b (she spells it cause she thinks it's a major bad word) cause they go into the street and just lay down until cars run over them. But I think they just sit next to the street and ask for food and money and clothes and stuff cause they are actually homeless."

Wisdom from a 2-year-old:

The other day Syd was lifting up and down her shirt because she thought it was funny. Then suddenly she stopped and said...
S: "Mommy, mommy look! (then she pointed at her chest) - I have bra!"

And last night...
After tooting on me and laughing she suddenly had a very concerned look on her face and said...
S: "Mommy? Yesterday I toot on Christian's mommy."
Mom: "What, baby?"
S: Yesterday I toot on Aunt Chelle."

Don't really have any wisdom from the 1-year-old yet, but give her 6 months or so and I'm sure she'll be just as genius as the other two.

Man, I love my kids!