I was driving home from my parents house yesterday. I came to where a small road intersects with a much bigger one. I was sitting at the light (first one in line) waiting to turn left on the bigger road. There was a man behind me in a big pickup truck. He obviously wanted to turn right and was quite annoyed that I was in his way (he could have turned right on red). He kept turning on and off his blinker and edging a tiny bit closer to my bumper every few seconds to make sure I knew that I was in his way. I honestly thought it was a little funny, but was also a bit annoyed at his lack of patience and kindness.
Tonight as I was laying in bed trying desperately to sleep, God brought back to mind that encounter. I began to wonder how often I behave that way. How often do I wish that those around me would either go my way or just get out of my way altogether? I'm not talking about driving. I'm talking about life. About ministry. About relationships. I often get annoyed or impatient with people not doing things the way that makes the most sense to me. Sometimes even at God. I often wish that God would do things in a way that makes sense to me. I often find myself wondering, "Now why'd you do it that way, God?"
The man in that truck knew nothing about me, my route, my life...but he was annoyed that I was making things harder for him. It was all about him. So often we get stuck in the 'but what about me' mindset and forget that "God is painting on a canvas bigger than we can see or comprehend". Our little piece of the puzzle is just that - a little piece. When I begin to think I deserve, desire, wish, want or need anything apart from what God says I need - I miss the bigger picture. I'm seeing things from inside the fishbowl.
Often God won't let me go to sleep until He's told me what He needed to tell me - until my will is surrendered to His - until my heart is about obedience and the things of God. Tonight is a night like that.
My prayer for tonight is that God will help me to step outside of myself, my problems, my hurt, my confusion and try to see things from an eternal perspective instead of from my tiny little fishbowl.